Confession: I have this constant struggle with trusting God. I have heard so many times that God is going to take care of me, He is in control, He will provide. But for some reason, that fact is so difficult for me to wrap my head around sometimes. This struggle has been especially evident over the past couple of weeks, ever since I found that I would be going to Zimbabwe this coming summer. Even more so when I found out what the cost is going to be to go there. $7000.
I don't know about you, but $7000 seems like a lot of money to me. I mean, come on, I am a broke college kid. I don't even know what $7000 is. How in the world am I suppose to raise that much money?
I have been in constant prayer over the past couple of weeks, laying out all of my thoughts about raising that money. It has been on my mind every single day. I wanted so badly to give it all over to God. I didn't want to worry about it anymore. But of course, my struggling trust decided to stick with me. Why is it so hard for me to grasp the fact that God already knows the outcome of all my worries? He is probably up in Heaven shaking his head every time I begin to over-think/worry about something (which is a lot of the time). The amazing thing is that God knows my weakness and He is willing to lift me up when I let those weaknesses overtake me.
In Matthew 14:28-32, Peter sees Jesus walking towards him and the other disciples, in the direction of their boat, on top of the lake. Really. I'm not making that up. Then, Peter gets out of the boat and begins to walk on the water as well. Peter must have trusted Jesus a lot. However, as soon as Peter sees the wind, he becomes afraid and begins to sink. At that moment, he calls out to Jesus saying, "Lord, save me." Jesus then lifts Peter up out of the water, saving Peter from being overtaken by his fear.
God still does that today! As I said before, I was so scared that I was not going to be able to raise all of the money to go to Zimbabwe this summer. God knew that.
At a Sunday night meeting for the social club that I am a part of, we had a devotional time to partner up with one another and pray for the other person's needs. I told my partner that I was struggling with my trust in God and how He was going to provide the funds for me to go to Zimbabwe. Little did I know that my dad had sent me a facebook message, telling me that the elders of my home church had agreed to pay for $2500 of my trip and a few other wonderful people had chipped in as well. Wow! How is that for God revealing Himself?
Referring back to the story of Jesus and Peter, I was sinking in a sea of my circumstances, crying out for God to save me. And He did! God knows every single one of my weaknesses and when I let those weaknesses get the best of me, He reveals Himself to me in ways that I never thought possible.
I am eager to see what else God does as I am raising the rest of the funds to go to Zimbabwe. I have a feeling that I am going to learn a lot through this process. I know that I am going to come out on the other side with a stronger faith and better relationship with God than I had before this process began.
